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Folks often go to great lengths to avoid the truth. We often ignore the reality of what is literally staring us right in the face. The truth is we think if we don’t acknowledge the reality and listen to our inner voice – we think we can trick and fool ourselves into thinking it isn’t actually happening. It is called denial. We make excuses. We justify the unjustifiable. We all know deep inside what we are choosing to ignore. For myself, despite being so gripped with anxiety and fear in my marriage, I kept thinking I needed to be more responsible, stick with it, hang in there, help my ex, love him more. After reading the book, The Road Less Traveled, by M. Scott Peck there was a statement about listening to your inner voice and trusting the part of your authentic self that screams for your full attention that started to wake me out of a fog.  Peck equated this voice to someone banging on pipes in the distance trying to get us to sit up and start listening.  During this time, I was in the process of facing 20 years of denial and realizing that an 18 year marriage was controlling, toxic and abusive.  What the hell happened to me?  When did I start completely losing who I am? The years of ignoring all the signs of abuse, thinking I could change a man by loving him more, making excuses for his behavior, thinking about keeping up appearances, and believing  false promises were coming to an end. These are the examples of the voice and that feeling that something is just not right.  I should have listened closer.

  • A demand to change your outfit. You know the tone and you know something is not right. You comply. Fearful. You push down the thought that what is happening is wrong.
  • The outrageous flirting. Others may sit and watch –saying nothing – yourself included. You don’t say a word and suffer in silence. Knowing that your protests will be met with anger and more confusing blame-shifting.
  • The insults, personal attacks, and degrading verbal attacks that take an immeasurable toll on your sense of self.
  • The pinching, the slapping, and worse – many of you know what I am talking about.
  • How do you cope? How do you silence and push down the voice? Shopping, pretending to be perfect, drinking, planning, striving, a distracting to-do list, food, our phones, the internet, planning parties, exercise – you pick your poison.

For me, the loud banging on the pipes was getting closer and closer.  I could not ignore them anymore.  We can all get honest with ourselves. Why do we not trust these inner thoughts that are trying to keep us true to ourselves? Why do we push these thoughts down and distract ourselves with the next get-together or our to-do list? Knowing who we truly are, what we truly want, and staying true to that path one step at a time is one of the keys to moving forward honestly with a commitment to ourselves.

Free Audio: 3 Sabotaging Beliefs After An Abusive Relationship With A Narcissist

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