The look. The gripping fear and heart-stopping terror someone feels who is on the receiving end of the rage of an abusive narcissist is difficult to begin to comprehend. Unless you have actually witnessed the cold-dark stare and have viscerally experienced the dark energy of a predator transfixed on their prey, you may have trouble truly understanding the depth of the fear I am describing here .
The narcissistic abuser exerts their control in a variety of ways. One way, that requires very little effort on the toxic one’s part, is the cold, dark, dead stare, that is an integral part of the full-blown narcissistic rage.
It is a hatred and anger that most “normal” folks cannot understand. It is almost a transformation. The face of the toxic one almost looks non-human. It is similar to the look a predator gives its prey. The look that keeps the prey transfixed and frozen. Unable to move. We are held in a frozen state, just like a deer when it sees the oncoming headlights of a car. We are held in this fear through the unpredictable, destabilizing behavior of Jekyll and Hyde. This is otherwise known as “frozen” in “brain research” terminology.
The explosive anger that accompanies the stare goes from 1 to 1000 in a matter of moments. I remember how I would quiver and immediately look down after he would reprimand me. One minute I am smiling, the next I am shaking like a leaf. It is the unpredictability and fear that keeps you off balance and makes you think you are going crazy.
The look, the dead stare, the flat voice with the venomous, hateful speech, is a clear warning and reminder to you to KNOW your place. It leaves you shaking in your boots.
When you get the stare, you shut down, you become a robot. You attempt to disappear in hopes that you can avoid the inevitable. The anxiety is unbearable. You are terrified.
By the time I left my ex-husband he didn’t even have to raise a hand to me. He could control me without even raising a finger. Abusers always keep you on uneven ground. At the end of my marriage, all the ex had to do was give me a cold dark stare. I would quiver and comply. All it took was one look.
Unless you have seen and witnessed the cold dark dead stare and experienced the terrifying rage of a toxic one there is no describing it. You literally feel it in your bones.
If you have seen it, you know exactly what I am writing about here. You never forget it.
You may not forget, but you can recover and reclaim your life. Choose life. Choose you.