The topic of closure, as it relates to our precious lives and recovery, after a tangle with a toxic abusive narcissist, encompasses so many critical stepping stones to actual healing. For myself, there eventually came the stark realization that closure, after suffering from the trauma of an abusive relationship with a narcissistic abuser, was not going to come from anyone else. Apologies and explanations for the gut-wrenching devastation were not coming from the old neighbors, the old circle of “trusted” friends, and certainly not from the narcissistic abuser himself.
The only closure that is going to come is the closure we bring to ourselves. This involves moving beyond the lingering resentment and anger, the relentless regrets and the endless searching and questioning. It involves accepting and abandoning the idea that there will be some kind of punishment or “Hollywood Ending” to the story.
For myself, the sadness, disbelief, anger, and resentment were so deep, I had great difficulty reconciling forgiveness, acceptance, the idea of surrendering, and letting go. In the end, the gripping, the clenching, and the story with all its regret was no longer serving me.
In the end, releasing the regrets and forgiving myself, gave closure to the suffering. When we cling and grasp to our hate, resentment, and bitterness, we are holding ourselves back from the peace we so richly deserve. It takes courage to shed light on ourselves and face the truth of what happened to us with clarity. We need to bring that clarity to ourselves with compassion.
With dedication, determination, and an empowered intention, we can bring closure to ourselves. We can release our clutching gripping and grasping to the old imagined life that was rooted in fantasy. We can build a new life. A life that is full of meaning and purpose with genuine joy and peace. We can let go of our resentment and our regrets, bit by little bit. We can come to forgive.
Someone once said, “Our stories are important, but they are not the end.” There is so much more waiting for us.