If you are in an intimate relationship with a narcissist, the following actions on behalf of the “narcissist” will eventually appear. These red flags scream “I am a narcissist.”
- Name calling
- Lies, lies, and more lies
- Public humiliation and then blame shifting labeled as “joking”
- Lack of accountability, never taking responsibility or admitting fault “he/she’s a nag, get over it, it’s a two-way street, she/he is over the top jealous and/or a psycho”
- Provokes fights in an unpredictable manner – you start to think you are going crazy.
- Silent treatment as a form of control -words often heard from a narcissist: ”I can’t take this anymore – I am leaving you . You are too jealous, insecure, crazy. You need to stop trying to control me.” Next thing you know the victim is apologizing after the abusive narcissist is the one who has inflicted the harm.
- A rage that is difficult to describe. Uncontrollable raging or anger triggered by a seemingly innocuous event. It is as if a light switch is switched on and off.
- The victim feels like they are going crazy. You tell yourself – If only I acted better, looked prettier, or worked harder everything would return to the magical way it was when we first met.
- He/she is critical and/or abusive – verbally, emotionally, and/or physically.
- He/she can be charming- It is like he lights up a room- but no one, except his close intimates knows how he/she is behind closed doors – The Jekyll and Hyde Syndrome.
- Controlling – controls money, finances, tries to put a wedge between you and your family and/or close friends. He/she only wants to hang with superficial folks.
Narcissists want conformity and admiration. The needs of the narcissist are first and foremost.
Narcissists feel entitled and actively devalue the emotional wants and needs of others. They despise vulnerability and emotional intimacy, and rationalize and justify controlling and manipulative actions towards others.
Crocodile tears for themselves after being held accountable or being unmasked or perceived as flawed in some way.
Anger, threats, venom, and punishment to others who may simply be standing for themselves. Enlisting the supports of others to “punish” these outliers. Standing for yourself can come at a great “cost”.
The intent of the narcissist is to manipulate and control others for their benefit regardless of the damage to the other. The narcissist has no regard for the boundaries of others and will intentionally push and test the limits to manipulate others solely for their gain.
The narcissist lacks empathy. The narcissist has no sense of who they are. There is no underlying feelings that something is not quite right. There is no true connection only emotional apathy.
The narcissist is preoccupied with maintaining power and control. The narcissist focuses solely on the needs and wants of themselves. His or her needs come first. All others are there to serve.
Narcissists have no self-awareness. Everything is functioning way below the line. The “self” is non-existent. They have no empathy as it relates to others.
They do not recognize boundaries . They are unconscious of their problems.
The self is disordered and solely focused on a mask of perfection and grandiosity. There is no chance for meaningful change.
This is Narcissistic Personality Disorder at the core.