How do I get a narcissistic abuser to take responsibility for what he/she has done and admit wrongdoing? Despite all the wishing, hoping, and magical thinking, understanding that we cannot control the actions, thoughts, and choices of others is critical to healing and moving forward into our lives after an abusive relationship with a narcissist.

This is a very difficult truth to hold and to turn towards.

We cannot make anyone, especially a narcissistic abuser, take ownership of or admit wrongdoing.

Narcissistic abusers want to win at all costs. Lying, cheating, blame-shifting, ignoring facts, twisting of words, exerting control over others, bullying, abusing, the list goes on.

Consider that a narcissistic abuser is like a tornado; touching down and spewing wreckage.

There are consistent patterns of behavior of the narcissist:

  • the imagined stories about what was “going to happen in the future”
  • the false promises
  • the fake alibis
  • the fabricated stories
  • the tangled manipulations, blame-shifting, and facades of the abusive narcissist to impress others
  • lie upon lie built upon a crumbling foundation of a person with not an ounce of integrity
  • the emotional, psychological, and perhaps, physical abuse

These lies, manipulations, and distortions were cleverly crafted. They rang true and were plausible. We believed them because they sounded like the truth.

The difficult reality is that nothing magical is going to happen that is going to change these facts or these patterns.

You must remind yourself of this time and again.

The narcissistic abuser is not going to have a complete revelation that includes a sincere statement of accountability and actual remorse.

When we deny this, we lie and deceive our precious selves and put the core of who we are on the chopping block.

We can move out of distortion, fear, and fantasy. We can choose ourselves and a new path.

This is where we need to bring empathy to ourselves first and foremost. We then need to look at what we are facing with honesty and clarity; facts in hand.

Is this a time to bring right action to a cause (child custody in the court systems can make a narcissistic abuser accountable-sometimes)?

Or is this the time to bring kindness to yourself by releasing from the gripping and clinging to this idea of “closure”?

This is where we need to focus on the choices we make for ourselves.

Acceptance is not resignation. It is not apathy. It is a conscious choice that can release us from the hard crust of resentment and regret and lead us down a path to healing.

Free Audio: 3 Myths That Keep Smart Women Stuck After a Toxic Relationship

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